Key #6 Create your new self-image

Self-confident choices should lead you to a lifestyle of self-confidence. But for this to happen, you need to create and maintain a new image of yourself.

We’ve already said that human beings are creatures of habit. All the positive choices we make should become natural and habitual for us. This is the only guarantee from slipping into our old behavior patters.

Visualization and affirmations are two basic tools for working on our new self-image. There is no magic about those practices: they use the same principles of mind action that work for us every day. We all make mental pictures. We all make affirmative statements. However, if we do this unconsciously, we stay at the same place or drift aimlessly, rather than moving in a desired direction.

If you wish to become self-confident, mentally see yourself as self-confident. Say to yourself that you are self-confident. These images and words will be translated into your experiences. Your life is shaped from within. Your mental state always come first.

Do not ever visualize yourself being sick, broke, or miserable. Do not say bad things about yourself and your abilities to deal with life’s challenges. Even as you recognize your shortcomings, you need to support and encourage yourself. Even in the midst of difficulties and uncertainties, you need to dream and hope. Let your visions and words build up your power and courage.

Prefer to do this work when you are alone. Do not allow others to enter into the workshop of your consciousness, where your glorious future is created. Be prepared for consistent efforts. It is not an easy job to make yourself a new and a better person, but it is the most rewarding one.

© 2010 by Andrei Yashurin

Key #5 Make the right choices

Once you have a vision of what is the right thing for you to do, do it. Don’t postpone. Don’t vacillate. Don’t ask yourself, over and over, «what if I will make a mistake?» You will make occasional mistakes, like all of us, but it makes no difference. Infallibility is impossible.

Let me tell you a secret only few of us realize: successful people do more mistakes than average individuals, and their mistakes are of greater proportion. When they fail, they fail big. However, it does not stop them. They rise from ashes and dare to move on - and, ultimately, they turn the tide of their lives.

Even if you will act courageously and fail, it will lead you to greater awareness and better attunement to reality. You will let go of your incorrect notions. You will become wiser. But if you are afraid to act, hoping to figure out everything in advance, you won’t succeed. If you avoid challenges, you might stay ignorant until the end of your life.

Bold action is beneficial for your self-confidence, just like indecisiveness is harmful for it. How does it work? When you postpone your choices, allow others to decide for you, or make choices based on fear and guilt, your self-esteem suffers. You bring the negative consequences upon yourself, and your self-esteem suffers even more.

Self-confidence is not just a matter of right thinking. It is a matter of right action, a right living. It is a matter of being courageous.

Ask yourself: What can I do today to step out of my comfort zone?

© 2010 by Andrei Yashurin

Key #4 Use your imagination to create alternative behavior patterns

The fact that you have negative feelings does not mean that you’ve got to act upon those feelings. You can act differently. Just imagine it!

Imagination is a powerful tool of self-improvement. Certainly, it is not the only tool we should use, but it is still a critically important one. Imagine your life to be different, and your life will become different. Imagine yourself acting courageously, rationally, lovingly, and responsibly. Imagine yourself acting like a self-confident individual would act.

If it is difficult for you to visualize yourself acting differently, try to imagine your favorite movie hero acting at your place. Do you feel better now? Doesn’t it give you hope that it is possible to break a vicious circle of familiar patterns?

Don’t fall into a trap of thinking, «it’s just me». Yes, you are a creature of habits - like all of us. However, your habits can be changed if you are willing to make all the necessary efforts. Dare to dream that it is possible, and you will make it possible. But if you never dream and never imagine your life to be different from the one you are living right now, you’re stuck.

Some people, like John Lennon, are dreaming of «peace of earth». This is a misuse of their imagination. It is not our responsibility to dream of other people changing their ways. Let us dream of changing our own ways, and make those changes happen. Do you value love and peace? If so, be loving and peaceful, and let the others discover those values by themselves.

Some people imagine all the things they want to have, like a fancy car, a new house, a loving partner, etc. But they fail to understand that to live a new life, you’ve got to be a new person. You’ve got to break free from those patterns which kept you poor and unhappy. This is why it is better to focus your imagination on doing rather than on having. This approach won’t disappoint you.

© 2010 by Andrei Yashurin

Key #3 Observe your negative reactions

How does your healing from a negative self-image begins? Some people suggest that you’ve got to start with some lofty idea. They encourage you to believe in good things about yourself, even if they are out of range of your experiences. This approach may work for some individuals, but I don’t recommend it. Beliefs aren’t easily installed. When we use our willpower to make ourselves believe in something, our subconscious mind resists and sabotages it.

What is the alternative? Observe your negative reactions more carefully than ever before. See how they rise within you. What triggers your self-condemnation? What makes it intense?

The next step is to write down your insights in a journal. It you don’t write them down, you will easily forget them after a while, so it will become almost impossible to trace your negative thought patterns.

As you are working with your journal, try to answer the following questions:

What happened?
How did I feel?
What thoughts came to me?
What was my reaction?
How this situation developed?

This advise is applicable to all areas of your life. No matter what are your challenges, don’t make attempts to hide away from them. Don’t cover your mess under «positive» and «optimistic» generalizations which you don’t really believe. Get a clear understanding of what is going on, even if that is painful. Awareness is the initial step to healing of any condition.

© 2010 by Andrei Yashurin

Key #2 Accept the possibility of changes

If you have tried to raise your self-confidence, and it did not work out, don’t become disappointed. Don’t say that you are doomed to stay as you are the rest of your life. Let us take a closer look at this issue.

Disappointments mostly arise from exaggerated expectations.
Exaggerated expectations result from believing in unrealistic things.
Avoid both, and you will find the way to change your situation to the better.

Self-confidence is a habit, and it always take time to form a new habit. It is a matter of consistent and steady work. However, some people prefer to look for magic methods of instant transformation. They believe that if they will just push the right button in their consciousness, their life will become different. They are eager to explore all the techniques of self-improvement, but fail to get what they want.

Use any effective method of self-improvement you can find, but dismiss all the hype. Expect changes to be slow, yet real. Don’t be in a rush. Continue your journey of self-discovery.

Your mind and your body are more flexible than you realize. The fact is, there are 70 years old people, who are healthier and smarter than they used to be in 40 and 50. Why? At a certain point, they became to exercise.

Be ready to act upon your knowledge. Perhaps, there are plenty of things you can do right now to improve your self-confidence, but you aren’t doing them, because you are busy looking for some quick fix.

Maturity comes with an understanding that there is no such thing as an effortless success.

© 2010 by Andrei Yashurin

Self-confidence is much more than feeling good about ourselves. It is one of the essential tools of our survival and creative flourishing. If we act rationally, our self-confidence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Here are some keys we need to have in mind if we want to increase of self-confidence, or to maintain its current level.

Key #1 Admit your problems with self-confidence

Many of our life difficulties can be easily traced to our lack of self-confidence. Remember all the times when you did not get a desired job, a desired contract, or a desired relationship. Chances are, it happened not because you weren’t good enough, but because you did not have enough confidence to express yourself in the best positive manner. You failed to make an impression that you’re the right person to deal with. Remember all the other times, when you haven’t even tried to reach out for something you wanted.

Not every person is willing to admit that his or her failures are caused by lack of self-confidence. Being comfortable with what they are, those people explain away negative feedback they receive from such interactions. They usually blame others for their lack of understanding, lack of concern, and so forth.

Listen: If you find yourself always blaming someone for their actions toward you, it speaks of a pressing need to feel morally superior. This, in turn, is caused by your deeply seated lack of self-esteem and self-confidence.

Don’t find faults, judge other people objectively. At the same time, assume the fullness of responsibility for your life. You haven’t yet done all you are able to do to improve yourself. Develop both your skills and self-confidence. This will cause your life to become better than ever before.

© 2010 by Andrei Yashurin

Have you ever complained that you’re out of luck? How often do you find yourself complaining?

There is one good thing I can find about chronic complainers – they are not complacent. They want to succeed, to improve their life. They just don’t know what to do about it. Their unsuccessful efforts lead them to victim mentality and a conclusion that the world is against them, and this can’t be changed.
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We need to be aware that an inner defense mechanism in our minds often causes us to justify and to ascribe meaning to wrong life choices. Things that seem to be meaningful to us now, could prove to be utterly meaningless for our personal development in the long run. Among these things is our tendency to accept the unacceptable and to tolerate that should be denied, even in the name of “peace” and “love”.

Some people have an opinion that most human problems are caused by pride, stubbornness, and self-exaltation. My observations have led me to a different conclusion: most people fail in life not because they dared to achieve something great or even claimed to be great. They fail because they are afraid to dare. Let us notice in this context, that timidity is a mild form of fear.
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Whether we realize it or not, meaning is the driving force of our lives. When we have a feeling that our life is meaningful, we gather all the resources we need to accomplish our goals. We go through difficulties with courage and dignity. By consistent efforts, we create a better future for ourselves. But if it seems to us that our life is meaningless, even outward signs of success and recognition cannot satisfy us. When our motivation to live and to excel is lost, we suffer both inwardly and outwardly.

This is why we always need to look for meaning behind our experiences. Discovery of meaning is a personal adventure: we cannot learn or inherit meaning from others. We’ve got to find it ourselves.

At the same time, we need to realize that there is something more important than meaning: truth.
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The seventh habit of highly effective individuals is «sharpening the saw», or continuous self-improvement. Steven Covey invites to imagine a person who wants to saw down a tree. If a saw is blunt, it takes much time and efforts to get the job done. Every saw which is used becomes blunt, so it is wise to sharpen it on a regular basis in order to make work more effective.

Unless we improve, we decline - in all areas of our life. But fear of failure should not be our main reason for growth. When we develop ourselves, we feel deeper connection with life and with our own true nature. We are more energetic and strong than ever. We feel better, and no wonder we can achieve more.
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